The Karma of the Tiger

The karma of the tiger, or when to keep your mouth shut

Apparently, hitting a tiger in the head with a microphone is not the best way to keep it in check. Roy found that out the hard way, with his throat ripped out and any hope of talking like a normal human being long behind him. I can't help but wonder what Sigfried did the whole time. My guess is he ran away like a scared little girl.

You can't fuck with karma.

One week ago Friday was my last day at the Four Seasons. Eight years of diligence, pointless determination, and fear came to an end. Enough was, as always, enough. And even though I gave them an extra week out of sheer generosity, it wasn't enough.

Only one manager said goodbye to me.

Eight years. In that time I had passed a kidney stone, fainted, woken up, and gone to work because it was Penn Grad, and not even gotten a thank you. In that time I had pushed myself to every friendly extreme, smiling through the most god-awful situations and laughing with my managers. It didn't matter.

But wait, is that true?

Didn't I show up to work high on various pills on more than one occasion? Didn't I talk about them all behind their backs? The whole time that I was pushing myself to the limit, wasn't I pushing all those around me as well?

Perhaps.

So now times have changed and instead I'm bartending at two places and doing free-lance event planning and P.R. writing, all at the same time.

There should be a great part of me that is ecstatic about all of this. I dropped the albatross from my neck, after all. I shook the demon from my side.

Didn't I?

"That's enough now. We'll save the rest for next week."

Next week? Was there a next week? I don't remember, frankly, but I don't think so. I've been working non-stop since I quit.

"I think I'm afraid of how compatible we are."

Compatible? When was the last time I talked to you? When was the last time we saw each other?

Where the fuck am I?

Karma? You want to lecture me about karma? I don't know who the fuck you think you're dealing with, but I can tell you a thing or two about karma.

"I just wish your cock and I could have gotten too know each other better..."

Jesus Christ, if I could just find that last Ritalin...

But here's the key. I changed that one part of my life, the one thing that I thought was the only wall between me and freedom, and here I find myself, fight back where I started.

See, there was this other part of my life that I didn't want to deal with. All the time I was dealing with the job, I ignored the other thing.

"I can't wait to see you again" said by someone that I never saw again.

Maybe after all is said and done, things may actually be different. Maybe once I have a day off, things will change. But the plain fact still remains...

I've changed one part of my life, what the hell is preventing me from changing the other part?

I sacrificed health care to be free, why can't I sacrifice my ego and see what happens?

The lion's got me by the throat. If I can just throw one good blow to his head, I'll distract him enough to get out of his grasp. But do I have that last punch in me? Do I have that much energy?

We'll see.

The karma hammer has hit me on the head. Only time will tell if I get up from the blow or not.