Inspired by a Song

inspired by a song

He was torn. He didn't know where to go. Rittenhouse Square was unaccommodating. All the young professionals and La Colombe beautiful people were hanging out in the park in full force. He didn't see anyone he knew.

His suit clung to him in the heat as if he were having a fever in his pajamas.

He decided to drift. He wandered along Walnut Street. At least, he figured, he would see attractive women out shopping on Walnut Street. He did. He stopped caring.

He immediately started to think about what nearby bar would be a good place to go for a drink. The air around him was oppressive and filled with doom, and the clouds were an eerie shade of gray. He was glad he had his umbrella with him.

He thought about going to Oscar's, but realized that the only reason he ever went there was to score some coke, so he didn't bother. He almost went to the bar above it, but he figured everyone there would assume he was only waiting to score some coke from downstairs.

He kept walking. As he walked, he kept hoping he'd run into someone he knew, someone who'd help him find some sort of direction. But he feared that all his friends were slipping away, finding their own lives separate from the world he had found himself thrust into since he and his girlfriend fell apart.

It was four in the afternoon. He wasn't sure if most of the people he knew were just starting work or just getting out of work. The fact that he didn't know made him feel lost, and left out. He had drifted, he realized, from all of those people who helped him through the breakup.

He meant to go to Frank's, but he realized that he had already walked past it stumbling along Locust Street. He saw the Locust Bar up ahead, and decided that he could happily have one beer and some chicken fingers and be on his way.

When he walked in, he saw Jay sitting in a booth by himself. He ordered a drink from the bar, and decided that he would sit across from Jay until he found out if Jay had any coke on him or not. They ended up talking for an hour about things he had no concept of whatsoever. He was reminded how much he hated talking to junkies. He kept telling himself that he wasn't one of these people. He was just a casual user. He never became like these people.

While they were talking, he saw Leo walk in and order a soda. Suddenly, he was reminded how he had only meant to walk in, have a beer and some lousy food, and leave. Now he was stuck in the midst of a drug deal, and a man they both knew was just out of rehab was sitting ten feet away from him.

He felt uncomfortable.

He arranged to meet Jay at The Bar in half an hour to settle everything up. Jay had nothing on him, but promised that all would be well at The Bar. Jay left,and barely said hello to Leo as he did so.

He was stuck. Jay knew Leo better than he did, and didn't say hello. Now he had to. He grabbed his beer and walked up to where Leo was sitting at the bar.

They chatted about a party going on at a girl's house. He knew that Leo had been going out with her a while back, but that she didn't want to see Leo anymore. Conveniently, she didn't want to see him anymore, either. They both knew of a party that they were not invited to.

“I hate to say this, but you're going to have to tell me your name,” Leo declared.

“ No. There's no need for that right now,” he said. There was something beautiful about this moment of anonymity that he could not pass by. Besides, he looked at Leo and saw a man going through a painful
rehabilitation. He didn't see a man anymore, he only saw his own future. The fact that Leo was there filled him with horror. He was suddenly left to face the idea that perhaps he wouldn't die, he would only be trapped in a continuous cycle of rehab.

He left. He had drugs to score.

The rain that he felt threatened by earlier had now started to fall with a vengeance. The sound of it bouncing off of the sidewalk was deafening. He felt scared for some reason. All around him he imagined demons dancing. The rain was falling around him in a devilish rhythm and he was hurrying along Locust Street on his way to the bar. All around him people were rushing to find some shelter from the downfall. The city started to smell bad. It had that sick musky smell that it always got when it rained in the summer.

He wished he had money for a cab. As it was, he barely had enough to pay for the speed he had just requested and the bar tab that he knew would follow it.

The rain frustrated him. He had just begun enjoying his day, and now everything was getting closed in by the summer rain. He thought about the legend of the rain dance, and wondered if he could reverse its work, so he danced in a counterclockwise circle at the corner of 18th and Locust for a moment or two before realizing it wasn't working.

He walked into Rittenhouse Square. The park was abandoned. All the beautiful professionals and hip kids had long since departed. He was sure they were all sitting somewhere drinking cocktails he couldn't afford. As he approached the center of the park, he realized that he wasn't alone.

She was sitting on the stone wall, her back arched towards the giant urn that separated the two halves of the wall. She was wearing a white T-shirt and light blue overalls. She was soaking in the heavy rain as if it were a warm shower on a cold day. He wondered if he'd ever seen anyone happier. He froze. He wasn't sure why.

She saw him staring at her. She smiled. He thought that she would get up and wander off, but instead she merely hopped off of the wall and walked into the fountain in the middle of the park. He couldn't do anything. He realized that he was in no way prepared for something like this.

She, however, was apparently perfectly in her element. She waded back and forth in the fountain as the rain fell around her. She could have been sitting in a Jacuzzi in a spa.

He couldn't take it anymore. He felt embarrassed and foreign. He felt as if he was staring into someone's window, watching them bathe. He may have been a welcome voyeur, but he knew he was a voyeur nonetheless. He started to walk on, past the woman in the fountain.

She stood up as he started walking, and looked directly at him. He stopped again as her gaze caught him. They looked at each other. She smiled. She knelt down in the fountain and undid the clasps on the front of her overalls, exposing her soaked T-shirt and just the slightest hint of waist. She stared at him.
It was too much. He hated being stared at by this woman in the same way that he had been staring at her just moments before. Suddenly his anonymity became belittling. He felt like a ten year-old who'd just been caught spying on his neighbor. His face flushed, and he became dizzy. He tried to convince himself that he was merely walking out of the park, but he knew he was actually running.

H e didn't stop until he got to The Bar. He was soaked from running in the rain and flustered because he wasn't sure where he was or why. He pictured the woman one more time, with her beautiful breasts and belly visible through her shirt. He pictured her eyes, green and icy. He pictured her waist, barely exposed above the fallen overalls. He hated himself. He walked into the bar.

Jay wasn't there. He sat at the bar. Lindy was there with a friend of hers. He ordered a beer.

The bartender told him that Jay had been there waiting for him, but left.

He ordered a shot.

He wondered how Leo was holding up at the Locust Bar.

He was convinced he would find some way to disguise his shame.