Inspired by a Song

inspired by a song

The wind howled through the riverbed. Leo was desperately trying to comprehend the conversation the he and Tommy were having, but the howling of the wind shut him off every time. It didn't matter. Even when the howling wind died down for a moment, Leo still couldn't comprehend anything that Tommy was saying. He knew they were arguing something, and he continued to argue, but any concept of a point to the whole matter had long since passed him.

It was getting difficult. The sky was gray and the clouds were shifting and the wind was howling and they were running out of both their cocaine and their beer. As a point of emphasis, Tommy kept throwing his empty beer cans into the Wissahickon while they argued. Leo kept wishing he wouldn't do
that.

Leo poured out another bump on the rock in front if him and tried to do as much of it as possible before the wind took it away from him, but he wasn't left with much. Tommy was yelling something at him. Leo wasn't sure if it was about the coke or about the conversation they had been having, but he felt defensive nonetheless.

Leo screamed at Tommy and Tommy screamed at Leo and the wind was screaming around them. There was no point to any of it. Leo sat and tried to breathe and his breath filled him with pain. There was something else going on here amidst their argument. There was more to the howl of the wind. God was near them. Leo could feel it.

Suddenly, everything made sense to him. God was hovering above them, and this wind was his awful breath, sick with cancer and hatred and poverty. He was cursing them, Leo could feel it. God cursed them for cursing and arguing and imbibing and hating and lusting and dreaming and throwing empty
beer cans into his creek. It all made sense now. They were trapped in the grasp of God's palm.

Suddenly, the wind came to a halt. Tommy was right in the middle of what he thought to be a very important point when the wind died, and his statement died with it. Before he even realized what he was saying, or what possible relevance it might have on the conversation, Leo asked, “Do you believe in God?”

Thankfully, Tommy didn't hear him. He had other things on his mind. He was still, cautious. Leo didn't like that. He knew what Tommy was going to ask before he asked it. Leo didn't want any of it. Nothing at all.

“Do you feel that?” Tommy asked.

“I don't feel anything,” Leo replied.

“Wow,” said Tommy.

Leo was starting to panic. Sure, he felt it, but he couldn't imagine anyone, not even Tommy, wanting to admit it. It was there, though. It was all around them.

“We're doomed,” Tommy stated.

It was true, Leo felt. God had opened his palm.

They ran up the hill to Tommy's LTD and got there barely before the rain started. It pounded against the shell of the car like an artillery. Tommy looked at Leo. “What do we do?” he asked.

Leo didn't want to think about much. “We'll go to the bar. Let's just go to the bar like we were going to do anyway, right?” Leo wasn't sure who he was asking, himself or Tommy. Fortunately, Tommy only nodded and started the car. For Leo, this was a blessing. He didn't want any questions to answer. There was no absolute reason they should go to the bar, only personal ones. Yet even beyond that, he couldn't help but feel there was another reason they should go there. Sure, the girl that usually bought him shots was now sleeping with him, and certainly he had just the night before kissed the other girl who always stared at him when he was hanging out with the shot-buying girl, but this went beyond that. He knew that things were getting ugly. The bar had been his one salvation for the past two weeks, he couldn't think of a single reason it would turn against him now.

Tommy, on the other hand, had other ideas. “How about if I meet you there?” he asked.

“What?”

“I have an errand to run. Can I drop you somewhere?”

“Where is your errand? It's really raining hard out here.”

“I have to go to Fifth and Fairmount. Can I drop you somewhere?”

“Yeah, sure you can,” Leo yelled, “Drop me as close to the bar as possible, is where you can drop me. Jesus, Tommy, this is serious wrath of God shit going on out here.”

“You'll be fine,” Tommy said, then he started the car.

“We'll see,” Leo said under his breath.

Tommy ended up driving through the rain down to South Street before letting Leo out. Leo left the car without much argument, knowing in his heart that wherever Tommy was going was not just for Tommy's selfish Adventism, but for both of them.

Tommy drove off and the rain came down harder. Leo rushed down South Street as the heavy rain turned to heavier hail. He realized that he wasn't joking about the wrath of God. Hail stones the size of golf balls were pounding his back as he ran hunched over through the sudden night on his way
to the bar.

When he got to the bar, the weight of the wind almost tore the door off of its hinges. He stumbled into the bar and pulled the door shut behind him.

Isaac was there behind the bar as Leo pulled the door closed behind him. “It's getting ugly out there, isn't it?” Isaac asked.

Leo shook his hair dry over the bar's carpet. “Tommy's coming by.” Isaac nodded his head knowingly.

Leo looked around the bar as water ran over his eyes. The girl whom he was currently sleeping with was not there, but the girl he had kissed the night before was there. He nodded to her and went to the men's room to towel off.

He was in the men's room. Around him, he could still hear the angry assault of he hailstorm around him. The wind had now picked up in the midst of the storm. Leo felt scared. He couldn't help but feel the world falling around him. He finally got himself together and walked back out of the men's room and out to the bar.

Tommy had appeared, and he was in brilliant spirits. He ran up to Leo and told him, “I scored off of Jay. I've got enough to get us through the night and then to sell off tomorrow. We're in for a great night.”

Leo was concerned. There was something wrong with the night, and he knew it, even if Tommy didn't. “What did you pay him with?”

“I didn't.”

“What will you pay him with?”

“My car if I have to.”

Leo was disturbed by this. Tommy's LTD had brought them on so many adventures and travels, he felt sick that suddenly it would be thrown up for a trade. He could only hope that the drugs were good enough to justify everything that had just transpired.

Tommy was anxious. “Let's go, you ready?”

Leo was conservative. “I just came from the men's room. Give me my share.”

When he said this, Tommy became wary. For a moment Leo didn't think that Tommy would give him anything at all. All Tommy seemed capable of doing was looking around.

“Fine,” he said, handing Leo a dollar. “Play a song on the jukebox.”

Leo thought about everything that was going on around him while Tommy was huddled in the bathroom with his newly copped junk. He considered the idea of saying hello to Marnie, but didn't want to have to abandon her quickly when Tommy appeared with the stuff. Instead, he went to the jukebox to play some songs. He thrust his dollar into the jukebox and picked his songs methodically, carefully, slowly. While he was choosing songs, Tommy came up beside him and thrust something in his hand. Marnie came up beside him as well.

“I'll be right back,” he told her. She only nodded.

“There's still two songs to play,” he said. She nodded again.

Leo hurried into the men's room. He had hoped that enough time had passed that he was inconspicuous, but he wasn't sure. To play it safe, he merely snorted a good mound of the heroin handed to him. He hoped that Tommy had actually split the junk between the two of them, but after he snorted some, he couldn't tell how much he'd been given. He counted to five and felt the calmness and decided he could go back out of the men's room and continue his conversation with Marnie. He opened the door carefully, and walked out of the bathroom. Marnie wasn't at the jukebox anymore. She was talking to Tommy.

Before he even realized it, thoughts of sin were traveling through Leo's head. He wasn't sure why, because the junk was distorting his eyesight, but he felt it. He started stumbling through the crowd over to Marnie and Tommy when the wind outside blew the windows out. Shards of glass tore into Leo's face and eyes while everyone else fell to the ground. The waitress ran and locked the doors while Marnie ran to grab Leo, who had fallen blindly to the floor. She picked him up and carried him back to the men's room.

“ I can't see!” Leo kept crying as Marnie tried to wash the glass out of his eyes.

Beyond the door, screams of panic and the voice yelling, “Lock the doors, there's no getting in or out. We're drinking in hell! Drinks on the house!! We're drinking in hell!”

In the bathroom, Marnie was trying to wash out Leo's eyes. Eventually, he shoved her aside and stood up beside the sink.

“Can you see?” she asked.

“Is there anything to see?” Leo asked.

“We're stuck here,” she said.

“Then there's nothing to see,” Leo replied. He tried to look out into the world. There was nothing. He saw shards of light that nearly blinded him.

“I'll make you feel better,” she said.

“I need more to feel better. I need more eyes.”

She tried to go down on him. He felt nothing.

“Again!” he yelled and he handed her the pouch.

She zipped him up and scooped out a fair amount of the yellow powder on a small key on her keychain. She lifted it to Leo's nose. He imbibed.

She started crying. “We're at a bar!” she yelled.

That didn't stop her. Her own logic couldn't prevent her from inhaling a fair amount of Leo's junk. They stumbled out of the bathroom, Marnie trying to lead Leo by the arm.

The sound of the wind howling through the windows was almost as deafening as the sound of the hail hitting the walls. Tommy had long since nodded out in the corner while Suzy was dancing on the bar and Isaac was handing out shots to anyone who wanted one. The last thing Leo felt before passing out was the sound of Marnie over his shoulder saying, “I only wanted to love you tonight.”

The storm passed. The hail disappeared and the wind died down. Leo woke to Marnie stroking his hair. His eyes were still too shattered to see. “I just want to make you okay,” she said.

“Give me some more,” he said.

Before he knew it, there was something underneath his nose. Leo inhaled, not knowing if it was coke or heroin. Isaac was waking up as well. The storm had passed. It was time to unlock the door and let the survivors out.

The sound of the opening door woke Leo again. That, and the slap on his back that Tommy gave him on his way out. Leo wondered if anyone would bother giving him a ride to the hospital.

Oddly, Marnie was still beside him. She said nothing, she simply stroked his hair.

He could see a little bit. It hurt, but he could see.

Without realizing, his eyes wandered up towards the ceiling. There was a painting of Jesus Christ there. Leo couldn't make out much, but he could make out this.

Jesus stared at him. Leo wondered what for. There was a hand on the back of his neck. “It's time,” the voice said, “to go to the hospital.” It was Marnie's voice.

Leo didn't argue. He let himself be escorted out. A voice had spoken, and he would obey.

It was time, obviously. Someone had spoken.